What happens when The Helper needs help? You’re so used to being there for everyone, but what about when you’re the one in need of help? Are you able to ask for it? If you’re a Helper who needs help right now, this letter of encouragement is for you, my friend.
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Dear Friend,
I am incredibly thankful for you and your heart.
You do SO much for other people. When someone is in need, you’re the first to drop what you’re doing to help them. For you it is not a burden but a joy. You live for meeting needs and making other people’s lives better; it energizes you. It is your gift. You listen and truly hear those who open up to you. You are so good at seeing into people’s hearts and knowing exactly what to say to encourage them deeply. Everyone thinks of you as such a kind, caring, selfless person. You truly are making a positive difference in the lives of so many people around you.
But now YOU’re the one who needs help.
You’re hurting. You’re overwhelmed. But you fear burdening others. Your mission every day, every moment is to lift people up, so you don’t want to risk bringing them down by sharing your burdens or asking for help.
Perhaps you’re just used to being The Helper rather than the one helped. Perhaps you can see the things they’re dealing with right now and don’t want to add to their load. Perhaps you’re worried about being a burden. Perhaps you don’t want someone to feel obligation or pressure. Perhaps you fear people will be annoyed or even abandon you when you shift roles from The Helper to the one needing help. Perhaps you fear being thought of as needy. Perhaps your pride is getting in the way. Perhaps it’s a lack of trust.
Whatever your situation may be, I want to remind you of a few things:
1. Even The Helper needs help sometimes.
You are human too. You have flaws, you have needs, you have hurts. It’s ok for you to need help. Everyone needs help at some point. It just proves you’re human like everyone else, and that can even make you more relatable to people and, therefore, able to connect with and help them even more. Just because you’ve become known as the person to go to for help, advice, or encouragement doesn’t mean you have to deal with your own struggles all on your own.
2. You need to take care of yourself.
I know you genuinely love other people and it’s a natural instinct to want to put them first, but you MUST also remember to take care of yourself. YOUR life and wellbeing is equally important. You matter. For “loving others as yourself” to do any good, you must first love yourself.
3. You can help people more when you are first filled yourself.
You cannot give from an empty cup. You won’t be much good to anyone if you’re burnt out or struggling or hurting or in need of help. You can help people so much more when you’re healthy, happy, and filled. So make sure you’re practicing self-care, recharging your batteries, letting yourself be poured into, and asking for help when you need it.
4. If anyone deserves to be helped, it’s you.
You give and give and give without expecting anything in return. It’s not like you’re constantly taking and never giving. It’s ok to ask for help and receive what you need. You’ve done PLENTY for other people. Now it’s your turn.
5. True friends will be happy to be there for you.
True friends won’t see you as a burden. They’ll be happy for a chance to repay you a little for all you’ve done for them. Don’t deny them the opportunity to love, care, and serve. They’ve let you help them; now it’s your turn to be vulnerable. I know that can be scary; vulnerability takes courage. But allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your close friends will create a deeper connection and build a mutually beneficial relationship. Close friendships should be a two way street.
6. This doesn’t make you any less of a Helper.
First of all, your worth is not based upon how much you help people in one day. Likewise, needing help does not strip you of your identity. You are still wonderful, kind, helpful you; you just need a little help right now. And just because you need help right now does NOT mean that 1. you won’t be able to help others again in the future and 2. you aren’t able to positively impact people even now.
Needing help does NOT make you weak; it makes you human. It takes STRENGTH to admit you need help, to ask for help, and to receive help.
You have made a positive difference in so many people’s lives; it’s time to let them make a positive difference in yours. You’ve helped so many people; it’s time to let them help you.
Love,
Your Friend
Need more encouragement?
- A Letter of Encouragement for When a Friend Abandons You
- A Letter of Encouragement to the Depressed INFJ
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