6 Lies You Tell Yourself About Others

In part 1, we discussed self talk and 6 lies you tell yourself about yourself. Make sure to check that out if you have not read it yet. In this post I want to bring 6 thoughts to your attention that you might be telling yourself about others and why it matters.

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In your self talk, do you tell yourself these lies about others? -- defensive, assumptions, jealousy, unable to forgive, inability to trust, won't change until they change

1. “I have to defend and explain myself to them.”

This is the lie that comes from THE NEED TO DEFEND YOURSELF.

You’re unable to let it go when someone makes wrong assumptions or has inaccurate information about you. Sometimes people innocently make assumptions, and sometimes people are intentionally trying to get a reaction out of you or spread lies and rumors. This may cause you to feel defensive or, even worse, want to attack them back.

Why does it matter? It’s a waste of your time to have to constantly explain yourself to others. You don’t need to defend or prove yourself to anyone; it only distracts from the positive force that drives you to excellence and instead makes you driven by anger or avoidance of shame. Reacting defensively or attacking back only makes it worse. “An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.”

2. “I assume this is how it is.”

This is the lie of MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.

This is when you make a quick judgment about someone without knowing all the facts, without considering other sides, or without being open to being wrong. There is a bit of pride and arrogance that assumes you know best and that you can’t be wrong. Even worse is when you judge someone by your assumptions and think you’re better than them in some way.

Why does it matter? Assuming is foolish. Assuming doesn’t take the time to look at all the evidence or put yourself in the other person’s shoes. So much harm can be done (to you and to that other person) when you jump to conclusions about people. It is also the birthplace of many miscommunications and conflicts.

3. “I should have what they have.”

This is the lie of JEALOUSY.

This is the wanting for what someone else has—their riches, their fame, their material possessions, their girlfriend or boyfriend, their position or job, their family, their success, their social media follower count, their talent and abilities, etc. It can either be simply wanting what they have too, or it can be wanting to have what they have and for them to not have it anymore.

Why does it matter? Even the smallest thought of jealous can grow into bitterness and resentment when dwelt upon for too long. It may cause you to dislike someone and hurt your relationship with them for no good reason other than jealousy. Jealousy also is a killer of gratitude; it’s hard to be thankful for what you have when you’re so focused on what someone else has that you don’t have.

4. “I can never forgive them.”

This is the lie that comes from UNFORGIVENESS.

This may be something you’ve told yourself, or perhaps you think you’ve forgiven them, when really your emotions, words, and actions might say otherwise.

Why does it matter? It’s not that you can’t forgive them but rather that you’re choosing not to. We’ve all made mistakes; it’s not fair to expect forgiveness from others if you cannot even forgive others. Holding onto grudges often does you more harm than anyone else.

5. “I’ve been hurt before, so I can’t trust anyone.”

This is the lie from THE INABILITY TO TRUST.

It is the assumption that because someone hurt you before, you’ll be hurt again. You project past people who hurt you onto others in your life. It seems too risky to get close to anyone because you’re afraid negative past experiences will be repeated.

Why does it matter? Assuming everyone is just like that person who hurt you will keep you from being able to trust anyone. And without trust and vulnerability, you’ll miss out on true connection. And a lack of true connection leads to loneliness.

6. “I shouldn’t have to do this until they do it first.”

This is the lie told from I WON’T CHANGE UNTIL THEY CHANGE.

I’ve seen this lie at play in many crumbling marriages. Both spouses get to a place of resentment and come to a standstill while they wait for their spouse to meet their expectations; no one dares make the first move of selfless love.

Why does it matter? If no one makes the first move, how will anyone ever change? You’re only holding yourself back from personal growth and adding to the problems in your relationships.

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Which lie do you tell yourself the most? This week, try to pay attention to the thoughts in your head and see if any of them may be one of these six lies. Those who signed up for my free series, 30 Days to Better Self Talk, will get emails this week to dive deeper into these six lies. Sign ups are now closed, but I will be turning this content into an eBook you can buy later on.

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